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Is it Wrong to Hook up with your Best friends Ex?

So it’s come to this point, you REALLY have to ask me this?

Many couples today aren’t exactly solid when they get together. In fact, more of them break up than stay together. The interesting phenomenon that seems to be forming from all of this breaking up is the pairing of best friends and their exes.

Hooking up with your best friends ex?

The most recent of these to be in the public eye is that of singer Shania Twain.

Her very best friend was having an affair with Shania’s husband while she was still friends with Shania. When it all came out, eventually Shania ended up married to her ex-best friend’s former husband. He and Shania basically consoled each other right into a full blown relationship. Shania went through a bad time but came out on the other side a whole new woman. Incidentally, she and her former friend are no longer keeping company at all.

That’s a bit of an extreme situation even in Celebrity Land, but it’s much more common than people think that exes and best friends hook up. The question is whether or not this is the best idea. Granted, each situation is unique so obviously you can’t say that there’s a right or wrong answer to this question across the board. However, as a general rule it’s a bad idea to do hook up with your best friend’s ex.

Think of it in terms of privacy, first of all. Once your best friend has been dating and probably having sex with someone, you probably know all sorts of personal things about this person since best friends tend to talk to each other about most things. There’s a bit of an “ick factor” to that and it may, or may not bother you. But it’s still something to think about. Do you really want to be where your friend has been?

Then there are the inevitable comparisons between you and your friend that the ex can’t help but draw. You may even experience that unhappy situation when the ex calls you by your friend’s name at a very inopportune moment. Nothing is going to make THAT any better.

Another consideration is what sort of terms did your friend and the ex part on?

Did they part as friends or was it an ugly battle? This is something that you have to think about seriously because if you decide to hook up with the ex, it may cause a massive rift between you and your friend. That’s when you’ll need to figure out just how much the friendship means to you. If it means that you’re going to lose a good friend if you take on the ex, will it be worth it?  That’s what you really need decide before going any further with a possible relationship.

On the other hand, if your friend tells you that it’s perfectly ok for you to form a connection with the ex, and you’re POSITIVE it really IS ok, there’s no reason for you not to go ahead with things. If you don’t, you may always have that “what if” question floating around in your head.

Posted on Oct 22, 2014

About the Author

Deborah is the owner of this site, a dating and relationship expert and a wife and mother to a wonderful husband and two twin girls.